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The Merdekarya Drinks Manifesto


1) We serve Tiger and Guinness Draught. Because, once upon a time in this country, there was always Time For A Tiger, and Guinness Stout was Baik Untuk Anda. And you could say it was Baik Untuk Anda. Heck, you could even sing it. We’d like to think that, at Merdekarya, we’re a little microcosm of that country right here and now. We serve the Tiger in mugs and the Guinness in pint-glasses because we believe the multiple-glass choice that is all the rage nowadays is leading us down a dangerous road: it’s only a matter of time before you’d have to go into a bar and say “Can I get a beer? Make it a Venti.” Fuck that shit.

2) We don’t serve “craft beer”; our thinking being, if you have to get all pensive about your beer and make a thoughtful comment about it, then it ain’t fuckin’ beer. Craft Beer appears to be an evil conspiracy to turn beer-drinkers into wine-drinkers.

3) Speaking of wine, yes; we serve that too. Our choice of house-pouring wine is Wombat Hill. When you order, please don’t ask us to “describe the wine”. The best we can come up with is: “Wet, with a hint of Inexpensiveness and the faint aroma of Pronouncability.” The sum total of our experience as sommeliers was drinking Night Train Express in our youth and then, hours later, panicking and screaming “Fuckfuckfuck I’m puking blood!” Back in the day, we also drank Thunderbird on those rare occasions when we needed a white wine to go with a “fish-dish” such as pizza with ikan bilis. So ya, we’re not big on wine, but wine drinkers seem to like our wine just fine, so there you go. Also, please don’t point out to us that our wine glasses are, in fact, water goblets. It’s a damn glass. You pour the liquid in, you drink the liquid. If you want to get all hoity-toity about things, there are plenty of bars in Changkat you can go to that aren’t in a back alley.

4) We serve JD, Black, Macallan, Gin, Vodka and Tequila and a selection of cocktails. We don’t sell liquor by bottles or allow outside bottles with corkage. In our experience, at least 60% of bottle-openers will try to “nego” with us on price and this never ends well. We don’t do negotiations; our thinking being: It’s whisky. Not a peace accord. These things ought to be uncomplicated: buy a glass of something, drink a glass of something, buy another glass of something. Repeat until nice and buzzed. Enjoy the music. Wake up the next day; remember the music. Because this is Merdekarya. And if you don’t remember the music, it was a wasted night.

5) We serve coffee. We select only the finest coffee by pressing the button on the Nescafe machine that says “coffee”. We also serve tea, honey green tea, assorted flavours of Bundaberg, Ribena Lime and other drinks. We also sell mineral water, the drink of choice for people who resent having to buy any drink at all.

6) Speaking of people who resent having to pay for anything ever, there is a one-order minimum PER PERSON as a condition of entry. OR a RM10 cover charge. You place your first order/pay the cover at the bar as soon as you enter. If you’re wondering why anyone would pay more for cover charge instead of less for a drink, then you might be unfamiliar with the original music scene, which is plagued by freeloaders. As peace-loving people, we believe that, instead of killing them, we should show some empathy and give them a choice: pay less for something, or pay more for nothing. It’s all very absurd, but then the belief that I have a right to go out and be entertained for free is equally absurd. If you can’t beat em, join em.

7) Happy Hour is from 6pm to 9pm. Please don’t show up at 9.01 all flustered and tell us it’s 8.59. Really. Who does that?